Feeling kinda sick. No jing1 shen2...
Today, was okay lah. I was referee again for floorball. At first it was 02 04 06 08 and they played 02 06 and 04 08 first, then 02 08 and 04 06. Then 03 and 05 came down I think... I can't really remember. Anyway what I remembered was that they were very angry with Sri for not counting their score properly or something. Haha. Sri was arguing and arguing and wasted lots of their time. In comparison, I think I'm not such a bad referee after all :D
Anyway, after that, there was no time... so apparently they stopped the games. But the captain's ball games were still ongoing! 08 was playing against 05. I think we were pwned. Randy told me that my class was damn funny.
I was playing a bit of shooting with some 303 guys. Quite fun :D But throw throw throw Xuanhao also can't catch 'cos Nathan too good :D They then played amongst themselves later. They were talking about playing with 05 again? or with my class. Anyway they said that they hadn't lost anything.
I couldn't help but feel envious. Me being part of such an all-win class is a thing of the past. Now, I need to live with... well, not an all-win class. But is it very nice? To say that our class play is damn boring because it's not the conventional yr3 type of gay humour? Or to be unable to believe that we won 306 when Kaywee didn't play? Or to scorn at Johannes when I said that he was good? They may not be very "well-known" people, but it doesn't mean they can't play captain's ball.
What's wrong with being in 308? It gives you no right to condemn us. Stop making hurtful remarks. Stop being arrogant. Stop putting us down.
I hate this. I hate it when people just look at me in disbelief when I say we won something. I hate it when people say that we win because nobody cares about the competition. I hate it when people don't know what class I'm in. I hate it when people say we're the worst. I hate it when people think of me as a different person this year because of the class I'm in. I hate it when some old friendships turn really sour because of the class I'm in(and I'm being looked down upon).
Today's physics was okay. We had the white chocolates that I brought, and Mr Tan gave us SO MANY mentos! Haha. Then he said there was gonna be a pop quiz and it turned out to be just him tricking us to do some extra practice questions :D
Then, it was lunch. I finally bought lunch when I had to go up to staffroom. So... 5+ minutes for lunch! X( Then we went up. We gathered for a while before we went to the concourse to set up our booth. We tried ways and means to display our poster haha and finally pasted it on the 4th floor railing :D
Oh. And I was standing in front of the booth and Jehon told me to siam. That wasn't very polite was it. But anyway I went away and I sat next to Xuanhao to read my book. Then Jehon said," If you want to read your book, can you go somewhere else?"
I was like WT* is his problem.
Then, the guys began to talk about floorball stuff. I went away, looking at exhibitions. Then I saw Samuel's booth, kinda catching... then I was quite disappointed in my booth, and kind of embarrassed. I was fretting and fretting. Then I told Jong... then Jong suddenly gave me the inspiration 'cos he said we had no paper, then I said I had colour paper! And I had black, pink, green and orange markers. So Jong Jensen and me sat down to design title for our booth. I think it made our booth look so much better. Jong was asking them to help because I was scared we wouldn't be able to make it in time, but they rather talk about their floorball stuff than come help.
They made some floorball potential members list. I think it is. A list of "who can play floorball", 'cos they're gonna start the CCA next year.
For your information, I can run and jump next year as per normal.
So I was wondering why I wasn't inside the list. I didn't see my name. There's only ONE person they put in from 308, and that's Rashidah.
Because of this I'm quite upset. Am I still being viewed as a disabled? I think it's because they think I'm not good.
That's a bit mean. Why can some people be in while I can't? Since it's a list of "who can play floorball". Am I worse than them? Or is it because.................................
SIGH. I really don't know how to express this. Damn sad. But I think they'll just be angry at me and wave me off if I complain. Like, they're quite impatient. Impatient towards CMI(cannot make it) people? Am I so bad?
Today Xuanhao said he thinks I'm very pampered. Because I can't light a match. Well I did light one. I was stunned when he said that. I'm trying to be more independent too what. When I just got out of my wheelchair I did everything myself if I could.
Best class? Everyone wants to be in the best class. Then they'll start to look down on other classes. I think when I was in 202 I did that too.
Today, Geneyan said that it's a free win to play against 308. Well they did win. *shrugs*
Yeah my class may not be the best. You lucky people may be in the best classes ever since your start at NUS High.
Well I'm not.
Bye.
Tingan rode the Shrimp Boat.
6:09 PM
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
From Joanna's blog :D
Cinderella;
[ ]One of your parents is dead
[ ]You are expected to do a lot of chores
[ ] You love to dress up
[ ]You love animals
[ ]You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[ ]Your mom is really strict
[ ]You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[x]You're afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[ ]You have left your shoes at a friend's house before
[ ]You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 1
Belle;
[ ]You've fallen in love with someone your friends/family didn't like
[ ]You've been lost in the forest
[ ]You love to read
[ ]You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind
[ ]One of your family members is a bit weird
[ ]You have done volunteer work
[x]You have a wild imagination
[x]You love to take care of people in need
[x]You've had guys like you only because they think you're pretty
[x]You've rejected at least one person when they've asked you out
TOTAL: 4
Jasmine;
[ ]Your dad is rich/important
[x] You are very clever
[x] You've fallen in love with someone way different from you
[x]You're unique and different from everyone else
[x]You'd never marry someone just because they were rich
[x]You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[ ]You don't have a lot of friends
[x]You're independent
[x]You have a very nice house
[ ]Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 7
Ariel;
[x]Your parents expect a lot from you
[ ]You really try to follow the rules,but it's hard for you
[ ]You're a bit of a trouble maker
[x]You're the youngest in your family
[ ]You have a lot of sisters
[ ]You collect something
[ ]You have red hair
[ ]You have a pet fish/aqua thingy
[x]You're extremely curious
[ ]You believe everything people tell you
TOTAL: 3
Snow White;
[ ]You know that you're beautiful
[x]Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[x]You've almost been killed
[x]You have at least seven good friends
[ ]You've had food poisoning
[ ]You have short brown hair
[x]You get along with everyone
[x]All of your friends are different
[x]You love to have a good time
[ ]You're happier when you're out of the house than in
TOTAL: 6
Mulan;
[ ]You're a tomboy
[ ]Everyone wishes you could be a bit more girly
[x]You've pretended to be someone you're not
[ ]You've had a physical fight with someone
[x]You have/had considered running away from home
[ ]Your parents try to plan your life out
[ ]Most of your friends are boys
[x]You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
[x]You love your family so much that you'd do anything to protect them
[x]You are proud that you're different
TOTAL: 5
Aurora(Sleeping Beauty);
[x]You live with someone other than your parents
[x]You were almost killed at a very young age
[x]You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[x]You have a beautiful voice (HA I'm gonna be the next CSS)
[x]You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[ ]You spend most of your time outside
[ ]You're adopted
[x]You have long hair
[x]You're very romantic
[x] Pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL: 8
Pocahontas;
[x]You love to walk around
[x] You are more spiritual than religious
[ ]You've been in an interracial relationship
[ ]One of your siblings is dead
[x]Your parents are very protective of you
[ ]Someone you know has been in war
[ ]You love nature
[x]You have black hair
[x]You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[ ]You're very adventurous
TOTAL: 5
HAHA. I'm sleeping beauty. Okay now I need to go bathe and have my beauty sleep :D Will blog tmr! SPORTS FOR LIFE!!!~~~
(bimbo!! HAHA)
Tingan rode the Shrimp Boat.
8:54 PM
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I'm here to blog. And I'm not sure... but I really want to try to make it a point to blog everyday. To log my recovery process, and what goes on in my life at this extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime(I hope) time of my teenagehood.
Recently, I watched a Japanese drama called "One Litre of Tears"(1リトルの涙)[一公升的眼泪]. Ikeuchi Aya(modified name) was really a strong girl, writing her diary everyday, until she could no longer hold a pen. Through her diary, she wishes to bring the message of living life strongly, no matter how hard it seems.
"Putting my hand at my chest, I can feel my heart thumping. My heart is still beating, I'm so happy. I'm... alive." -Kito Aya, 18, 1981I believe that I am very lucky that I won't become unable to move, eat or talk. Through this drama, I've learnt that I should really appreciate the things around me more, and that to be alive is already a great thing in itself.
I really want to thank the friends, and my family, who have supported me throughout this ordeal. Though many things do not go as I want, and it is a bit inconvenient for me at times, I thank God for all these people who have stood by me to support me all this while. Thank you.
----------------
Thursday(fine weather)
I remember I set up the badminton nets for CCA last Friday. So this time for PE I had to clear them. I willingly went to do so. I want to thank skating instructor Aloysius for helping me and being nice. "Wah your leg liddat ah, they still make you do this..." I think you're really a GREAT skater. Really.
Math was okay! Chemistry lab prac was okay as well... dunno if I did well but I've done what I can.
English test was okay too =]
---------
Friday(fine weather)
Mentoring was great. I was referee for floorball from 301 to 304. It was really fun watching them, though I really got some scolding for not knowing the rules :( especially the kicking rule. I think they're all so pro! But... wasn't there supposed to be girls in the team? Haha. 302 is soooo pro.
Oh, and some of the ex-202 people wore our beloved jersey. I was quite happy. I heard that Junle came up with the idea haha =) I like wearing it. It makes me feel special =]
Alright. I guess mentoring wasn't bad. I really wanna thank 307 for organising this "Sports for Life". I really hope that people will learn to be healthy and do some stress-relief sports activity, instead of... doing trigonometry all day. ("Time symmetry!~~")--insiders joke!
Haha.
Chinese and Math were okay. I got above expectations for trigo and if I hadn't been careless, omG I would have gotten 23 man. 悔しいね.
Then, it was SLACK TIME. Lunch! And then I went up to listen to Vanessa's emo ipod songs =D Then, we went out to watch the group of yr3s play captain's ball. Wow. They're having so much fun. I wanted to be captain =D And Randy let me. However, stupid Ash's hand(and other people's) blocked me so easily. I was hitting their hands away. I tried to catch a few balls actually... but I realised it takes lots of stretching effort and I could just fly off the chair. Sharlene threw me an easy ball and I missed it! X( They all told me not to play. I really wanna thank them for their care and concern.
When I was well, with that big bone fragment in my knee, I couldn't play captain's ball with agility. I wasn't "ballistic". And I couldn't run well. Maybe, this time when I really get better, I'll be able to play it well soon.
I went back to the hall to do some physiotherapic exercises. I realised how hard it was to just lift my leg off the ground straight while lying down. It was like my knee was gonna bust any moment if I strained it any further. But my physiotherapist says that the pain does not imply that there will be something wrong with my knee. He says that while exercising it is normal, and is nothing to be overly... obsessed about? He says that he doesn't believe I'm so weak. So I really need to practise these exercises to prove him wrong.
CCA was great. The Chinese players came. They're SO wonderful. Our coach(the 11-year-old Liang Xiao Yu) taught us basic footworks. I couldn't do them of course. So I was just watching her and guiding the year ones to do it. I'm very glad that the year ones got it in the end. I'm also very glad that I could at least teach them something though not being able to play myself. I really hope that I'm not a burden to the team or a waste of hall space. I don't think my team members think that way too la! =]
Oh. I was teaching the year ones how to do smash/clear stroke. Xiao Yu taught them how they should hold their rackets, "higher!!" And then I taught them how to hit it. And I was doing my arm bracing! And it was like I was holding a ball. And Xuanhao came up to me and said "Eh don't hold your hand in a ball." I looked at him with a frown. "Serious! My coach say one" Haha. Aiyah... I dunno if he's joking or what. He joked a lot recently, even about logarithms test being 2 pages. Anyway, I don't think it's true(the hold ball thing) because Zhongming said his coach didn't say so. Haha.
I really hope the year one girls will improve in badminton as days go by. Jiayou!!!
So I guess that's it! Friday was okay.
Thank you Brenda for your encouragement =]
Saturday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!! And Adhit/Timo/Ash!!! =] So lucky lah you all. Same birthday as my dad, so I won't forget!! =]
And... SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to all Muslim friends! =D
I went shopping with my family today. Walked a lot and complained a lot. But it was okay. We had lunch at Takaya(Jap restaurant), bought chocolates and food at Isetan, and then my dad parked his car at Newton and the whole family took MRT to Orchard and walked to Takashimaya!!!(because the road was congested with traffic) We went into many shops and finally bought dad a dunhill bag. Dad also suscribed to its mailing list XD Then, we went to shop and I was so in love with those notebooks(I love notebooks especially special ones with special paper and special designs and special colours =D). Then we all went to Kinokuniya.
I bought One Litre of Tears, Japanese and Chinese version. I HOPE I can one day be able to read the Japanese version and understand all of it. I hope that the book will remind me to live strongly.
"You can't even walk fast enough."
I know that there will be people looking at me with... mocking eyes? 异样的眼光. I also know that there will always be people talking. But I won't forget that there are also caring eyes and caring people around me who will whisper in my ears "it's okay".
Tingan rode the Shrimp Boat.
1:51 AM
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Woooo. It's October.
AND. I can finally walk! :D
These few weeks I feel that my life has been filled fully to the brim with love. Though I admit that there were times when it really got me down, but I'm glad I was able to stand up again with the help of my nicest, greatest, loveliest friends.
The days on the wheelchair were seldom unhappy, with my friends/classmates pushing me around and getting the fun out of it, and helping me to the toilet. Lunchtime was relaxing, IR was... pretty normal I guess?
I still remember the first IR session I had in a wheelchair. After that, my teammates were like playing with it XD And it was kind of heartwarming and comforting to see them playing their hearts out and laughing and yelling and SCREAMING. HAHA. XUANHAO SCREAMED. 'Cos Jehon pushed him into the grass patch and he was like "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhck!" *BOOM* in the grass haha. Jehon was the pro manoueverer, and Jensen was okay too... but that Xuanhao fell into the grass patch too damn many times! And once he was like "I DIE ALREADY." And then he didn't fall in HAHA.
Captured all those fun(ny) times in my camera :D
And then there was that fateful friday. 幸福星期五 :P My mom allowed me to stay back to watch badminton :D And it really was nice.
Mr Sun made them run 4 rounds. Gah. Killer. I was being wheeled by other people ^^ Waileng/Jensen/Vanee/Huiyin are GREAT runners =D Jensen's damn good man. WAILENG TOO. She said it was a greattttt motivation, pushing me =D I loveeee her. Hear me scream and the wind brushing our ears.
A reason to believe. :D Waileng's TM statement =D
Later on, Xuanhao Yuanwei and Aikann were slacking off at the track. And they pushed me until out of that big big near-to-hostel/carpark gate. And there were lots of slopes following that and I fell and slid and stuff :D I tried to use my hands to stop the wheels but nice and caring Yuanwei told me that it was dangerous =D AND he saved me from a car luh -_- can't remember whether it was a car or me crashing into the kerb. Then they went to the bball court but Mr Sun was there and they were like "SHIT" then quickly wheeled me away. HAHA. I was like screaming in the carpark and we saw Dr Seah/Mr Gtan. :D And then the 3 of them CARRIED me up the mini steps. Xuanhao was like commanding "one two three!" Strong men. Didn't know Aikann was this fun :D Could see his the concentration on his face while carrying lor! HAHA. Then they wheeled me to the canteen where they slacked and Xuanhao ate lunch. Then we saw no. 49! And we called him 49. And he responded. HAHAHA. Then we talked a lot of crap. Like, I asked Yuanwei whether he knew who Lin Dan was. And he said "YA. MY GF." LMAO. And then we were talking about Taufik being world no. 1, and Yuanwei randomly said "HAIYAH I'm talking about the Singapore Idol lah!" And Yuanwei saying his name was Yuanhao ^.- And something about having a loooong name Raffles something something. And that he was so pro at gymnastics that he could stand straighter than Jensen ^.- and can win gym medals for the school LOL.
It was so relaxing and heartwarming talking to them. It must be the best time I've had with them. Felt very happy that day.
I was umpire for match between Xuanhao + Paul vs... who? FORGOT. Hmm. Emman and... someone? Luke? I think so. Yeah it was Luke. And Paul refused to start till I was aligned with the badminton post so that I could see things more fairly. And until I said "play ball
S" but he said I wasn't symmetrical -_- so wouldn't start. Haha. Funnee.
I forgot what the score was like anyway =/
Haha.
Sorry. I'm just a person who rambles on and on about my STORIES because I've got like so many stories to tell man. I'm a person who has a life full of interesting happenings :D And spices :D And LOVE :D
I really thank God for all those who stayed by my side in this stage of recovery. I love my classmates(haha) esp. Joyce, Khanh, Rashidah, Vio, Steph, John Hannes, Timo, Beryl, Cedric etc :D I also love my SISTERS :D Waileng Vanee and Huiyin!
Friendship is really such an amazing thing. Can't remember how we met, but I really thank God for giving me friends who love me no matter what. =]
So... I took off my cast on Tuesday after school. I smsed Waileng Vanee and Huiyin, telling only Vanee about it and saying to Waileng/Huiyin that I'd show them a surprise the next day. And I was late haha!! But when I went down for break, they all came and gave me hugs. LOVEEEEE them. And Huiyin was like "so this is your surprise ah!!"
I've never realised that there were so many appreciable things in my life. I probably just took them for granted. I'm really sorry to those whom I offended, and those whom I... well... rejected? In a sense. Or shall I say... avoided. Sorry for causing you disappointment?
I thank God that I'm able to walk again. Really. Though it isn't back to normal yet, it slowly is. Some people say I walk like a penguin! HAHA. But penguins are fat lor. HAHA. Joyce told me that the girl in the J-Dorama show "One Litre of Tears" who got some neural disease that affected her motor functions and slowly began to be unable to move, walked like that and her youngest sister told her she walked like a penguin. :D Kinda cute. Probably also the reason why I cried when I watched that show(I'm not a person who easily cries in a show 'cos I find it very embarrassing to la) because it reminded me of myself(though I'm getting better and she's getting worse).
I thank God that I'm now quite independent and can do lots of things on my own now. I thank God that I have wonderful friends who are never tired of me. I thank God that I have many yearmates who care for me and always cheer me up :) I thank God that my badminton friends are still pleasant to me(and that I was able to wear my jersey! LOVES.) (: I thank God that I'm always cheerful even though things may just not... seem to be.
I thank God for juniors who ask me if I was okay, and some cool juniors who would play badminton with me though I'm like, handicapped and boring (=/ yr3s are damn bad at this lor all of them dunwant play with me HAH)
I thank God for
DONOVAN. Who replies my sms instantly and is quite an unnoticed but always available friend. *shrugs* Haha I still remember what Tan Kuan said on Thursday. It isn't true OBVIOUSLY but I guess it brought me to appreciate Donovan more after forgetting his existence for like... quite a long time =[ Yeah. And he said I grew taller XD
I thank God for my lovely 202/yr2 juniors too who would smile at me when they see me :D And say a warm hi :)
I thank God for caring friends/seniors.
I thank God for all that I have in this life, as well as wonderful songs that help me to depict my mood, such as this:
从昨天 到今天 还有明天
感谢老天让你们陪在我身边
爱的心 痛的心 等待的心
因为有你们的拥抱我很放心
当初见面的不安 彼此探索
也许有点 茫然迷惑
朝夕相处才发现 这世界中
没有人 比你们更懂我~~
朋友 姐妹 都已不够来形容
我们的 默契骄傲
扶持 与 包容
老婆 老婆 我们一起打钩钩
请记得约定的旅程到永久
(: Of course not the laopo bimbo part la eeee just gives me the goosebumps *shudders* haha.
And I thank God that no matter how down I can get, there will always be something that gives me
a reason to believe, a reason to be cheerful/joyful. It's probably hard to get yourself out of a black hole. 'Cos it makes your world a darker & stinkier place till you can't see no light/hope at all. You can choose... to sink deeper? It can probably take you to the other side of the universe? But I guess you'll be crushed into a point mass by then and you probably can't see all the happiness on the other side. Then again, you can choose to climb out of the stupid hole. And appreciate the things around you. Wake up, place some refreshing eyedrops on your eyes, and look clearly in the mirror. There stands a beautiful woman. With her beautiful sisters. And her beautiful friends/family.
And probably a beautiful man holding her in his arms. Probably not whom she was expecting on the other side of the universe... but that will do?Gosh. Maybe I still can't believe it.
How am I supposed to, you're too beautiful to be true.
Tingan rode the Shrimp Boat.
8:44 PM
